Making Love to a Woman
Things that actually would have been useful to learn in health class.
Making love to a woman can be a joyous voyage of discovery or a train wreck. I have very much enjoyed all that I have learned from many resources on the subject. I will limit my comments on the key elements that I believe may be stumbling blocks or surprises to the average Joe. We generally consider ourselves a pretty decent lover, albeit to the same woman for decades, have firm grasp on female anatomy and have read or seen enough in order to at least understand what different techniques exist in both foreplay and making love to a woman.
There are three main takeaways that are “a-ha!” moments from what I’ve learned. First, it is very useful to understand women’s sexuality in general. Second, pornography is in no way depicts making love to a woman. And most important, each woman’s sexuality is unique, which is the coolest part!
Let us start by discussing women’s bodies. If you love women and their bodies you must understand the relationship with her body is very different than yours. A woman’s relationship with her body is fragile and in this culture they are exposed daily to many images and messages that their body somehow doesn’t stack up and it doesn’t look like it’s supposed to. Even supermodels will have no trouble completing the sentence, “What I hate about my body is ____.”
You must often tell your woman you think she is beautiful and sexy exactly how she is. One comment or joke on your part about her weight, attributes or how attractive she is will likely hurt her deeply. It will take you an extraordinary amount of time and work in order for her to recover from that. Never criticize her body. You can’t change society but you can make her feel beautiful. If she believes you don’t find her attractive, she will never be comfortable with you sexually. If your statements or actions do not convince her that you find her attractive, she will only have society’s measurement to go by. Never ‘check out’ other women when you’re with yours. Even seemingly innocent comments about another woman’s hat or sunglasses can cause her to question if you think the other woman is prettier than she is. You should never suggest she go on a diet or exercise. Even if she asks you to be absolutely honest; never confirm her ass does in fact look fat in those jeans. When she tests you just confirm you think that she is sexy. If she asked you how she looks in jeans tell her you really don’t care about the pants, but that she does look hot in everything. If she ask you if she you think she needs to diet or exercise. Tell her you’d love to see her ass walking in those tight yoga pants or see her naked running on your treadmill.
Tell her when she comes home from the gym that you can’t wait to peel her sweaty clothes off her and have your way with her.
Every woman’s body is a wonderland to explore and with every woman you have to explore what feels good to her. Everyone is unique. The sexual anatomy systems of a woman’s body are complex and what gives one-woman butterflies and makes her squeal or shiver with delight will do absolutely nothing for another woman. Her erogenous zones are not just her genitals. Her skin, calves, lips, ears, shoulder, breasts, back, thighs buttocks, feet and the nape of her neck can be very erotic or not so much. What will drive one crazy will elicit little response from another. The more you can pleasure her, the more pleasure you will get from her.
For many women, but not all, you’ll need to be able to find and excite her clitoris. In addition women may get great pleasure from the G spot, located one or two knuckles inside her vagina and up toward her belly, another spot 4 to 5 inches in, also toward the front and another spot that is a U-shaped arch above and on either side of her urethra. Never expect that a given woman will respond to stimulation of a particular erogenous zone or spot. Their erogenous zones are very personal. It is completely normal to find areas of mild, moderate and extreme pleasure to them. Some will not even be conventional erogenous zones. Your woman may go crazy or one particular intercourse angle that hits a spot in her that’s not even an “official” erogenous zone or spot. A good lover never does what losers do, which is go straight from kissing, to grabbing the breasts and then to the crotch. The right way is slowly and gently building up desire. A good lover is also prepared with a good water-based lubricant. Keep in mind if you feel sticky like glue or dry there is a very good chance that you are hurting and irritating her. You should know many women are often not comfortable telling you that intercourse is uncomfortable, this is especially true when the relationship.
Some thoughts on porn. If you spent a number of years without making love to your wife and watched any porn, you may have absorbed some misinformation about intimate sexual relationships. First, porn is in no way related to making love to a real woman. Porn stars are simply acting for the purpose of facilitating male masturbation. The action is therefore at the frenzied pace of initiating a man’s orgasm as quick as possible. Ending a lovemaking session to a real woman as quickly as possible is the opposite of what most men have in mind. What else is different…? Well everything! In porn women are wet and ready from the beginning with no foreplay. Real women need to be courted, teased, flirted with, caressed, kissed and petted until desire grows. In a video women seem to be attracted to or even worship a man’s penis, but real women really don’t care much for a penis itself until they care a great deal for the person it’s attached to. When you watch porn it is about pounding fast and deep rather than the slow, fast, shallow, deep, and circular variations that are real woman would be stimulated by. Sexual positions in porn are orchestrated not for the purpose of giving pleasure to either participant, but rather, contorted in order to facilitate the ability to see sexual parts that are not visible during normal lovemaking. Also in porn women are always having multiple orgasms from intercourse. Real women that have multiple orgasms from intercourse alone do exist, but it is somewhat rarer and even they require a generous amount of foreplay in a lovemaking experience in order to do it. Many women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone and require clitoral stimulation. It’s interesting to note that the reason that most women have a difficulty orgasming from intercourse alone is the location of the clitoris. Its’ orientation farther or closer to the vaginal opening affects how much friction it receives during intercourse. From a female orgasm perfect world standpoint, your pubic bone rubs well on her clitoris during intercourse while your penis makes direct rubbing contact on her G spot. Trial and error is the only way to see if either of these will be successful with a particular woman. Either way, getting good at oral sex is a prerequisite of becoming a good lover as most women can orgasm from oral stimulation. If you find that it’s yucky, then perhaps you should take a bath together and just get over it! (We will discuss this very important topic in more depth later in the chapter.)
Did I mention all women are unique! Do not be surprised if your woman doesn’t fit the mold. Let her reactions show you what turns her on.
Regarding masturbation you may find this interesting, studies show that both men and women take about 10 minutes to orgasm when they are masturbating alone. That means you can please your woman if you have some skills. The idea that endless foreplay, candles and music are required for her to climax every time you make love is bogus. Sex is like eating out, sometimes you want to take your time with a four course meal with wine and sometimes you want to go for a quick pizza. Just make sure it’s fun and enjoyable for both of you.
If you’re having fun she will to and vice versa. Assume it won’t go perfectly and don’t worry about it. If she isn’t wet then use a water-based lubricant. If you’re not hard enough, let her make you harder, make yourself harder or do something else. Your fingers are like 10 little penises use them. Just have fun and pleasure each other. You may orgasm too quickly or take too long. It doesn’t matter as long as you just enjoy the lovemaking. If it doesn’t bother you… It will bother her.
Women may be somewhat turned on by how a man looks, but she is even more turned on by what he says and how he acts around her, by his voice and how he touches her. For your woman sex is like the love story. Most women have read a few, or more than a few, of those romance novels and the more you let your lovemaking follow the anticipation of a romance novel the more she’ll be into it. You start building passion way before the two of you get into bed. It’s how you kiss her, hold her hand and even open the door for her. If you flirt by text or phone it creates delicious possibilities in her mind. Stoking the fire like this releases dopamine and creates a sense in her that something wonderful (you) is about to happen.
Both men and women are turned on by eye contact. Looking deeply into each other’s eyes will add to the foreplay and lovemaking, so long as you don’t get creepy about it. Likewise, smiling has the same effect. There are two types of smiles so be careful. Science has identified real smiles and fake smiles. Fake smile start at the corner of your mouth while a real smile starts at the corner of your eyes. If you simply feel truly happy, then the corner of your eyes will naturally wrinkle first.
As I said kissing is important. Remember men tend to like wetter kisses than women do and women tend to like spending more time kissing. Try to remember to alternate open-mouth erotic kissing with tender kissing. Starting centered in the mouth and not ignoring the corners and nibbling. Try not to get too much saliva going and feel free to dry your lips if needed, you’ll find that she enjoys it more. A good kisser is highly prized by women.
When dealing with the clitoris remember that it is a small version of a penis, without a urethra, that concentrates the same number of nerve endings into a space about the size of a pencil eraser. Since it is so concentrated, it is very, very sensitive. After she is turned on she will often be able to enjoy more direct stimulation of it; but at first be very gentle. Teeth have absolutely no place around the clitoris. It is a job for the tongue and lips only. Genital gentle licking, sucking and nibbling are the key. Learn to read what she likes. She will tell you with her reactions to what you’re doing. If you’re making her crazy you will notice her breath getting shorter, moaning and smiling. If she arches her back, she’s enjoying herself. If she wiggles her bottom and gets so wet that it flows down her thighs, she is very satisfied. If she wraps her legs around your waist and pulls you in closer, then she wants more. You may also want you to enter her now. She may tell you or ask you to enter her; but you don’t have to be too quick about getting to intercourse. Letting her wait will drive her crazy. Enjoy foreplay a little longer, it will make the experience more exquisite for her.
When you do begin intercourse don’t just put it in all the way, start outside and use your penis to rub her vaginal lips, clitoris and vaginal entrance first. Start by slowly entering just a bit. Tease her a little and slowly work it in deeper before beginning thrusting. Play with moving your hips side to side or in a circular motion. Find out what drives her crazy and do more of it. Don’t be a one trick pony and just go straight to intercourse. Use your hands to caress her all over while you’re making love. Find what she likes, find out if she likes having her breasts and nipples caressed, her thighs, legs, belly, face, shoulders, ears, sides and nape of her neck. Don’t feel like you have to leave off caressing her while you’re having intercourse either. Feel free to use sex toys like a vibrator, dildo or your 10 fingers. You can either use it on her yourself, or have her do it on that perfect place for clitoral stimulation. Pay attention how she uses it; it’s orientation to the clitoris, pressure, speed, angle, movement and the changes in all these things as she approaches orgasm.
Keep in mind the fun is not over when either of you have an orgasm. She may want to have more, you have 10 fingers and a tongue…use them. Also men can have multiple orgasms too. You can research online how to develop this ability, but basically you just masturbate to near orgasm and then stop and restart and then stop again. When you make love with your lady you will be able to continue for quite a while without the assistants of any blue pills. If you are unable to master the technique you will have to live with your recovery period. The recovery time for a man to be able to orgasm for a second time can vary from 15 minutes in 18 years olds, to as long as one full day when you’re 75, but it varies for every man. You’ll have to adjust your lovemaking according for your own personal recovery time. Keep in mind you don’t need to be rock hard for you or her to enjoy intercourse.
All good things must come to an end and what you do after your orgasm will determine whether you’re just another guy or her best lover ever. The afterglow, or time following lovemaking, is very important to almost all women. It is important you do not roll over and go to sleep or just leave or hit the shower. You need to spend at least some time cuddling if you want to be her best ever. Spend some time being close to her, holding her, hugging her and caressing her. It is fine to have your arms wrapped around her and drift off to sleep so long as you are in close contact with her, hugging or spooning her, so she feels safe and loved.
Hug your woman often. Hug her when she is mad at you. Hug her when she is sad. Hug her when she scared. Hold her when she’s happy. Also touch her often in non-sexual loving ways and do so frequently. She will be more attracted to you and feel more loved.
Furthermore, do these things and you will be her best lover ever!
Cappy